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MESHWORDS |
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Infusing a Day: Through the Spiral in 24 Hours
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By Rafael Nasser
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NOTE: The spirals, colors, and other terms used in this piece come from the Spiral Dynamics model of developmental psychology as developed by Clare Graves, Don Beck, and Chris Cowan. While The Manifest doesn’t specifically endorse SD or other versions of "integral" theory, they seem to serve a purpose as rough maps of the interior landscapes we all might share. With apologies to our non-psychogeek readers….
[The following was inspired by the notion that you are the Spiral.]
It is 3:00 A.M; my bladder awakens me. I rise out of bed in a dazed stupor and instinctively make my way to the bathroom (Beige). Half a minute later my head sinks back into the warm pillow and sleep blankets me over. The next morning, when I awaken, I won’t recall my mid-night digression from the Land of Nod.
Day breaks through the blinds and almost in synchrony my alarm clock is set off. Part of me is still riveted to a fading dream: I am flying over a lush forest looking for a landing strip. The rambunctious tune on the radio hammers away at my oneiric escapade. My eye lids are drawn like heavy curtains. I pry them slightly ajar. For a brief moment I straddle dream and waking states (Subtle and Gross). Am I really flying over trees or lying in bed? Is Chuang Tzu dreaming the butterfly or is the butterfly dreaming Chuang Tzu? Unfortunately for me, right now, I am not the butterfly and I transform into Chuang Tzu.
I shower and dress. My daily morning coffee ritual triggers an onrush of adrenaline that sweeps away the last neuronal cobwebs. I am completely awake (Gross state) and feel like my normal self (small “s"). I am sitting at my computer checking my overburdened inbox. One email catches my attention. I click on it. My heart soars. My date confirms our rendezvous tonight. I met her online and this will be our first in-the-flesh encounter. I think I could really like her. I indulge in a brief romantic fantasy about the evening (Purple).
I snap out of it and check the time: 8:25 A.M! I’m running late for my 9:00 A.M. meeting. My sense of duty (Blue) propels me off the chair and a minute later I am careening through traffic. Some jerk cuts me off and I feel a wave of rage wash over me. I curse the bastard and that instant I truly feel that I could kill him with my bare hands (Red). I start to chase after him but I catch sight of a police car in the rear view mirror and slow back down under the speed limit (Blue). I get to the office with three minutes to spare.
Five people are sitting around the conference room table waiting for me to begin. They all work for me. We are reviewing sales projections and budgets for the next quarter. One of the junior associates blurts out a couple of innovative cost cutting ideas (Orange). His direct superior, an older man that espouses a more traditional business style, winces. He resents being upstaged by the upstart (Blue). He tries to reassert his authority by commandeering the discussion. I understand what he is doing and let him reestablish a dominant position over the younger man. He is a dependable and seasoned sales executive and I want him to feel that he has regained his stature (Yellow). I let him ramble on for a short while and acknowledge his status by thanking him for his comments regardless of the fact that they were vacuous. I call an end to the meeting.
I am back at my office. My secretary wants a word with me. She shuts the door and voices her concern sotto voce: The crude language the new mailroom hire uses is making some of the employees feel uneasy (Green). She suggests I discuss his comportment with him before the issue mushrooms into a bigger problem. I thank her and call him in. He struts into my office like a defiant rooster (Red). I size him up instantly. He’s about eighteen and has probably never worked in an office environment before. His attitude reflects his insecurity. With time he will probably acclimate to the corporate culture but for now he needs some guidance. I don’t ask him to sit down. He views me as the Big Boss and I play that card. I tell him point blank to cut the shit and tone down his behavior if he wants to last. I stare him down and he backs off. He gets the message. Had I tried to communicate my displeasure with his behavior by appealing to his sensibility of other people’s feelings (Green) he would have misinterpreted my words as a form of weakness. He respects my candor and the fear I instilled in him will keep his mouth in check (skillful means).
The workday is over. I’m going home to get ready for my date. Traffic is unusually light and I arrive home with time to spare. I am unwinding in my backyard. The sun is a ball on the horizon and the sky a panoply of warm colors bleeding into the darker hues of night. I absorb the moment and breathe the fresh air deeply into my lungs. As I exhale my feet melt into the ground like two sturdy roots and my body yields to the light breeze like a supple willow. My awareness expands as I feel a deep connection to the life force emanating from the foliage (Nature Mysticism).
I sit on my porch to meditate. I shut my eyes and let thought and emotional forms dissolve like salt dolls in sea water. I perceive a black screen before my eyes. I hear a pleasant internal buzzing sound grow louder and all external noises are drowned out. A subtle vibration begins to radiate from my heart and a current of energy ascends through the core of my body through my throat towards my third eye. When the energy stream reaches my mid brow I see luminescent swirling colors and geometric forms streaming by like the aurora borealis (Subtle Mysticism). I let my awareness expand upwards towards the Crown charka. The colors fuse and the light turns to white. I am bathed in white light. I am the white light; all is light. Body-mind dropped. No time, no space, no I. Eternity, infinity, timelessness, formlessness (Causal Mysticism).
I am aware of my being arising out of the formlessness. My Self (capital “S") witnesses my body-mind emerge from the emptiness (I-I). I observe my identity consolidate within the formless void. I open my eyes. The Self is watching this play of consciousness (Lila) through my mind and my senses. I open my eyes. I sit and delight in the afterglow of the all pervading joy I am experiencing. I feel an unbounded sense of bliss reverberating throughout my being which extends way beyond the limits of my physical body. Everything I perceive through my physical senses radiates the selfsame numinous, blissful quality. All is one. Form is formlessness and formlessness is form (Non-duality). The words of Zen master Sodo materialize in my mind: In my hut this spring there is nothing, there is everything. I smile and re-engage the world of form.
My watch again. It tells me I’m supposed to pick her up in an hour. I can feel the sense of oneness and the radiance dissipate as I become engrossed in temporal consciousness. By the time I reach her door I feel a surge of anxiety building up but I can still detect the faint presence of the Witness lurking behind the emotions. I ring the bell. She opens the door and smiles. Wow, she looks amazing. I smile back and loose total awareness of the Self…
Dinner was delicious and the conversation engaging. We are now walking along the seashore. The warm summer breeze draws us closer together. The sound of the surf breaking on the sand is enchanting. Words are superfluous. We sit on the sand. The moon is rising over the horizon and the constellations are shimmering. The night sky is reflected over the water. A random thought enters my mind: The moon reflected in the water is reflecting the sun. I look down at my feet and marvel that the atoms that make up my body were born from the womb of a star like the sun. I awaken to the realization that I am a child of the sky. The water is reflecting an image of my Kosmic kin.
I sponge up a lungful of fresh ocean air. A rush of vital force streams through me and my reverie gives way to another insight: The air I am inhaling has been inspired by innumerable sentient beings and species. I awaken to the realization that all life forms share the same breath. Nature is one breath. My two realizations yoke together and I understand with perfect clarity that my being embraces the entire universe while the entire universe embraces me. My heart opens wide as my sense of identity shifts. I can’t tell whether the universe is collapsing into me or whether I am expanding into it. I have become all the stars in the heavens and all life on earth (Turquoise). I am a universal being interwoven into the Kosmic Mesh. I am the latest footprint left by creation on its evolutionary journey. A deep reverence sweeps over me and I bless creation as I release my breath into the night.
She sighs in synchrony. I feel her energy field interpenetrating mine (subtle). She exudes a sweet, intoxicating quality. We make eye contact and our lips touch. Above, a star twinkles.
Rafael Nasser lives in New York City. After 9/11 he shifted career tracks from number-crunching to writing. Recently his first book, Under One Sky, was published. He is a member of iNYCs, the distinguished [?] Integral New York City Salon.
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