See also Dan's recent article for Knot Magazine, "Californication" |
BRIEF INTERVIEWS |
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Five Questions With:
A Young Father
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Dan Weaver is the twenty-something editor of Rouse Magazine. Originally a resident of Colorado, he moved to California three years ago when his girlfriend became pregnant with their first child, Emma (now 3 1/2). The couple is now married and has another child, Andrew (age 1 1/2). Dan currently works in the foreign exchange industry.
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THE MANIFEST: How old were you when you first had kids: what were the circumstances and how did you react?
DAN WEAVER: Actually, my wife had the children, I just watched. (Sorry, I couldn’t resist.) My daughter was born on October 24, 2000, I was 20. I had been dating her mother (now my wife) since I was 15. When we found out she was pregnant we were both living in Colorado, and it wasn’t something we were planning for. She cried; I hugged. To tell you the truth, my reaction was pretty muted. It wasn’t something I was planning for, but once I was faced with the situation I was pretty excited. I think it helped too that it happened with someone I loved, rather than a one-night stand or something. I just figured, “What else am I going to?” We never thought about having an abortion (though we’re both Pro-Choice), it was just Life happening, and you can’t pause or rewind it, so you just have to live it.
TM: It’s so rare these days to hear about a young father taking responsibility for himself. Did you ever feel like this new turn of events was a hassle, like it was diverting you from your “path” or your true calling? Or did it seem like this was exactly the path you needed to be following at the time?
DW: Sure there were times when I felt hassled, or that I was being diverted. But aren’t there times when we all feel hassled or diverted? You know, “if only I had this, or if this were like that, or whatever, then my life would be better”. I know that before I found out my girlfriend was pregnant I was completely unsure of what I wanted to do. I was an irresponsible slouch. But then I had a kid on the way, and at that point failure really wasn’t an option. Sitting on my ass figuring out what I’m going to do with my life doesn’t put diapers on silky smooth baby asses. I didn’t really fell like I was being presented with an option, it just was what it was. Looking back on it I’m positive that it was what I needed at the time, but when it happened I wasn’t really thinking about it, I was just reacting.
Also, my kids are the coolest people I know. They wouldn’t exist if my path hadn’t been drawn the way it has been – they have their own path because of it.
TM: I’ve always been curious as to how a member from our generation would raise a kid in this tornado asylum of thong panties, instant messenging, and wars on terror. How are you preparing your kids to face the exceedingly unpredictable changes ahead?
DW: Basically we just teach our kids to be good to other people. Neither my wife nor I lay claim to one religion, but we take what is basically the same message from all of them (treat others as you would want to be treated) and pass that along to our kids. We’re really big on making sure they’re aware that everyone has feelings, everyone laughs, hurts, and loves, and that everyone’s life is important. We also want them to know that “we” are not always in the right and that “they” are not always evil, that the world is a nuanced place. We try to plant the seeds of altruism while keeping their spirit of self-worth and self-reliance alive. Hopefully that will help them decipher the world that awaits them as adults so that they can live in a way that yields positive results for them and humanity in general. Plus we don’t make them eat peas, because peas suck.
TM: Do make a conscious attempt to be a “cool” dad, or do you see your season of hipness as long faded past?
DW: That’s funny. On one hand I do consider myself to be a cool dad only because I’m much younger than any other dads that run in our kids’ circles. I mean, when we pull up to my daughter’s gymnastics class our car is the only one with the Beastie Boys on the stereo. Just last night I was reading my daughter interviews with Q-Tip and Ani DiFranco (June issue of The Believer) before she went to bed. So when it comes to stuff like that I’d like to think I’m cool. But I’m sure that I will embarrass them, and that I wont sound nearly as cool as I think when I tell them about my heyday of boozing and contemplating. I’ll seem like a relic.
And when it comes to disciplining, I have a hard time keeping a straight face. I hate authority, how am I supposed to lay it down? Hopefully when they’re older they’ll appreciate the fact that I’m not an authoritarian, and they’ll realize I’m trying to treat them like people, not subordinates. With any luck they’ll think that’s cool.
TM: Without getting into some sort of cheesy “what about the children!?!?” thing, what’s one thing we should all be doing to insure that Emma and Andrew and all the others have a future that doesn’t completely suck balls? That is, what’s the most important issue in your mind when it comes to keeping the Idiot Species kicking around this ball saltwater, scrub grass, and asphalt for another couple generations?
DW: The first step would be to not vote Republican in November. Seriously. Bush-bashing is pretty cliché these days so I don’t do it as often as I used to, but that would be step number one. I don’t think that Democrats are the world’s saviors by any means, but I think that will at least get us back to a place where we can be productive, rather than just wanting to fix what’s broken. Beyond that, I think that it’s important that everyone knows what’s happening in the world, I mean what’s REALLY happening, so at least they can make an educated decision on the direction it should take. I would also hope for hippy things like environmental protection, nuclear non-proliferation, and the eradication of peas. But on the whole (and in all seriousness) I think that if everyone lived by the credo of the great Bill and Ted then the world would be a much better place today, and for generations to come: Be excellent to each other.
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