Non-Subtle Energy Practice
While subtle energies get a lot of emphasis amongst integrals-- who practice everything from reiki to qi gong to tai chi to kundalini—the non-subtle energies do not. While non-subtle energies don't have a lot of flakey, colorful books written about them, what they lack in aesthetic interest (at least until Alex Grey reveals the "Energizer Bunny" series he's been working on since 1997) they make up for in sheer power. Everyone knows if you stick your hand in a light socket your muscles will tense up—and if you repeat the drill, you've got a sure-fire muscle-builder right in your very own power strip! But if you're too chickenshit to stick your finger in an actual socket, let alone run around the local football field with a twenty foot metal pole during a thunderstorm, invest in a Tenz machine and watch those electrodes do their stuff!


Spiral ‘til you Puke!
Like the morphogenic grooves, the dynamic spiral diagrams used by developmental psychologist Chris Cowan and Don Beck may SEEM like mere theoretical constructs, but we've actually seen these things out in the open. If you're one of those lucky few who happens to spot one of these rainbow-hued tornadoes winding its memetic way through your town, grab on tight and let it whip you around. While the centrifugal forces may make you so dizzy you puke blood and hallucinate the return of Babaji, every second you hold on is one more fiber of muscle added to your arms. And for a real challenge, try holding on with your teeth!


Green Meme Squat Thrusts
Have a friend log onto the Integral Naked forum and read it aloud while you stand with your feet shoulder-width apart. Each time you here the words "green" "green meme" "mean green meme" or "aperspectival madness" bend your knees--dropping your butt to the floor as you keep your back straight--and then push back up. In 10 minutes you will do somewhere between 500 and 750 repetitions, and if your ass doesn't look like J-Lo's in five days, we'll send you a free Manifest t-shirt in the mail, guaranteed. And these are cool t-shirts folks: Dr. Wrath's got Beavis and Butthead in a headlock with Sri Aurobindo doing a keg stand in the background (picture forthcoming).


Crosstown Kinhin
Walking meditation is usually done by Buddhists in a confined space, but there's no reason not to take it out to the streets! And there's also no reason not to do it for 10 hours in a row, as our one young friend did as an aerobic alternative to his regular distance running routine. His day began at noon when he walked from South Boulder, marveling at the crystalline remains of the recent ice storm still clinging to the bare trees alongside Foothills Parkway. He then made his way through the CU campus, checked his email in the Art library, and descended into the Boulder Creek area by Naropa. From there he continued up 28th to the REI outdoor store, where he wasted an entire hour picking out a winter hat. And then it was on to Whole Foods for 20 minutes of food sampling (he got stuffed after 32 circuits of the store), then to the Catacombs off the Pearl Street mall for two pints of Red Hook, followed by a half hour of drunk sitting practice (appropriately enough) at the Shambhala Center. Then the bus, and home--phew!


Chasing Girls
It's no secret that the integral scene--at least here in Boulder--is pathetically devoid of females. While the reasons are obvious (girls have better things to do than blog about post-metaphysical intersubjective hermeneutics all day), proven methods for bringing in the ladies are not. With the surprising failure of our three-hour wilber-5 study groups, we've taken to a new tact: flirting with Boulder girls out on the fitness trails. And these girls are fast, in shape, and snotty: you'll be on the trails sprinting to and fro panting your tasteless pick-up lines ("nice jog-bra, want to fuck by the overpass?"), all while getting in 800-meter racing shape without even knowing it! Which is good, because you won't be dating any of these 6-figure dames anytime soon, so why not join the local track team? Someone needs to do field research for the Celibate Middle-Distance Endurance Athletics domain of Integral University, after all.