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EMILIO'S WORLD Deep Sabotage
By Emilio Martinez
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| WHY DO I ALWAYS DO THIS TO MYSELF? I was supposed to be there five minutes ago and instead I'm stuck behind a truck. Why isn't the traffic moving? C'mon... Beep! Beep! MOVE! Why does it seem that every time I get an opportunity like this, I eighty-six myself? Oh, god... Please tell me I didn't forget my resume. Where is it? Where? Oh, c'mon, I spent three hours tweaking that thing... I know why I didn't bring it. That little stretch. I could just explain those two months I was out of work. Why do I think they're going to make a big deal out of it? Instead, they get to observe my obvious lack of preparation and professionalism. I obviously don't want this job. If I did, I would be in the interview right now pitching myself with pure inspiration. C'mon, let's get going!!! Okay, just chill. Listen to the radio... "Hello, Dr. Laura, first of all, let me say that I am a huge fan of your show. I've read all your books, I'm my kids' dad, and even my ex-wife likes you." Oh, this'll be good... "Well, thanks for the buttering up, but don't canonize me yet. What's your question?" "Right now I'm sitting on the crossroads of my life. I just left the worst relationship of my life, other than my ex, and now I'm headed to Boise to start a new life with a woman I met on the Internet." "Enough. Get to the question." "Uh, um...do I have moral obligation to tell my new woman that I have a chemical imbalance that causes me to have sex with prostitutes?" Ouch! He just walked into a self-inflicted tongue-lashing. I tell ya, I wouldn't be surprised if his kids are happy that he's leaving. Too bad he couldn't leave himself behind... I'm now ten minutes late. This won't be a problem when I have a job, though. I'll arrive on time every day. I do great when I have a routine. For instance, I can usually count on the first of the month to keep me grounded. But now, I have to fear the first because I don't know how I'm going to make rent! It's like all structure and schedules are just rejecting me. Who is doing this to me? Is there some karmic lesson that I am learning here?!?! Okay, work it down... "Hello, this is Dr. James Dobson, from Focus on the Family, and I want to bring to your attention a new initiative in Congress that would require the teaching of evolution in all public schools. Now, Corinthians II clearly states..." Hmm, I wonder where it states in the Bible not to believe it literally? I have got to stop listening to conservative talk radio... "Tell me, Robin, would you take your clothes off in order for me not to quit the business? "Howard, I don't think you could handle seeing me naked. "Oh, my thing's not that big that I couldn't handle it." Oh yeah. That's why I listen to conservative talk radio... Y'know, I could've picked up that Wayne Dyer book-on-tape that I ordered. But that's just more of that procrastination that's undermining my ability to become fully realized. Enough. Turn off that radio and focus on getting to that interview! Until you fall off the wheel of karma, you better start paying attention. Ah-ha! My resume. Oh, brother... "Created" doesn't have a semi-colon in the middle. How could I do that? I spell-checked. I swear, I spell-checked at least—no, wait. I didn't spell check. Three hours and you think I would have spell-checked. That's it. Once I get out of this traffic, I'm turning around and going home. "Great idea. Home. Crawl up on the couch in front of the TV and don't move." Great. Inner radio. "Eat a donut." Forget it. I'm going to do something with my life. Out of my way. "Wait a minute. Slow down. Let go..." Well, I could stand to let go right now. I don't need to make this complicated. "Right. Let time stand still. Just stop and be." Right...right here...right now. "Good. Now do what you always do in the silence. Eat that donut..." You bastard! You tricked me! Hey, the traffic's picking up. Finally. Oh, I don't believe this... I spent twenty minutes waiting for an accident on the other side of the median to be cleared. What is wrong with people? Why do they have to distract themselves with the gory details of other people's— Whoa! Did you see that? That SUV was completely turned over! Stop. Focus on the job at hand. The job interview. Oh, c'mon. I'm just wasting more time—I've already lost out...What if, though...I've got nowhere else to go, and I'm already headed that way. Man, I really want that job. I need that job. I need to stop hurting myself this way. "Don't move. You're perfect the way you are." Yes. Be still and listen. Don't move... Okay, time to get going... |
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| You haven't lived until you've witnessed the cultural force that is Denver-based performance artist Emilio Martinez. He sings, he dances, he tells irreverent jokes about religion and Manifest editor Paul Salamone's current employer. The one thing he will NOT do is shut up. Stay tuned for more Emilio.... |
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