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ULTIMATE FRISBEE A Never-Ending Orgy
By Jennifer Evonne
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| EVEN THE MONKS OF THE INTEGRAL REVOLUTION need a little nookie every once in a while. But is it possible to have too much love? If we're going to talk about getting integral here, why not go all the way and get entangled in orgiastic bedlam? Diving deeper into the self-inquiry soup we face the limits of our affection. Do we really want to be intimate with the entire world? How do we abide in truthful, open engagement beyond boundaries without losing ourselves to indiscrimination? When we realize that the only thing separating us from life is our own masturbatory mind, we begin to see all living creatures as our brothers and sisters. We learn to accept and appreciate human connection while cherishing the healthiest bonds. In this discovery we become amorate human beings capable of love for life's pure essence. Amoration is the basic ability to have love for anything (and everything). It is the opening of our heart's aperture, the first step in the path of the bodhisattva. As we realize a more integral love we intentionally peel away the layers of body armor to simply sit with the world. From one moment of satsang to the next we open the aperture a bit wider and allow the tender, unique gifts within to be shared. This all-encompassing love is not for the faint of heart. It requires the courage to be vulnerable and the strength to be brutally honest. Every fear and insecurity inside will try to take over as jealousy, indignation or self-loathing; old wall-building habits rise up to keep us from open engagement. Every relationship suffers unless those fears are confronted and addressed. Life features a very eclectic cast of characters and every moment we decide how we will relate to this colorful world. We may find ourselves befriending a homeless woman one minute and a rock star the next; when honest connection is the goal the object is irrelevant. We look beyond the labels and costumes to see the corpus in front of us and understand that we are all just blood and guts, fears and dreams. In this moment of simple connection we become free to enjoy the elegance of existence. Every atom, every nation, every holon up and down the sphere abides in our cavernous heart. The labels come off and our arms open up to embrace and be embraced. Once we taste the freedom of naked love we can explore once-forbidden terrain. With no preconceived ideas to hold us back we may find ourselves entangled in worlds we never imagined. LIVING WITH POLYAMORY No experience expanded these walls more than my first foray into polyamory. Multi-partner relationships, mostly absent from the mainstream mindset, challenge every familiar notion of what love should be. My first threesome was no exception. Rewind to the fall of 2000: after dating my tortured genius of a boyfriend for nearly a year, we hit a wall and decided to date other people. Not unlike a twisted sitcom, we both became fascinated by a sunshine fairy girl who showed up at a party one night. Online flirtations turned into romantic interest, but we had no idea that our fascination was centered on the same girl. We sent out identical Instant Messages one Friday afternoon: “I'm asking her out.”....“Asking 'her' out? Who?”...."WHO?!?” As we realized our messy dilemma we decided to skip childish competition and date her separately, letting her decide which of us she preferred. One date turned into a six-month triad that pushed us past our limits. We never intended to become a threesome, but our hearts would not be ignored. She would not choose between us and our feelings were strong, so we paved our own path. The process was brutal. Going in we had no clue just how difficult it would be to be radically honest. We negotiated endlessly, took time one-on-one, and found ways to make everyone happy. We punched walls, screamed, and did our best to discuss our fears and diffuse any jealousy, but it was never easy. Of course, our friends and family were preoccupied with the sexual configurations. Through sharing our story we learned to articulate our needs and desires. We climbed up the hill on the two-seat roller coaster of commitment and did our best to leave no one out. Confronting the regular question of “Who sleeps in the middle tonight?” forced us to face deep insecurities that propelled our pursuit for affection. Deep down each of us needed to know that we were special, and we found ways to express what made each of us lovely and unique. As we fumbled through the sheets we found a beautiful space that we never knew existed. The sweetness we shared grew exponentially the more we were willing to experience it. THE LOVE BETWEEN Compersion is a term used in polyamorous circles to describe the exquisiteness of appreciating the love between others. Just as a mother can adore her husband and child, poly people often find a deep peace in knowing that their partners are held by a network of strong and wondrous arms. I remember waking up one lazy weekend morning and stumbling out of bed after a long night of board games with my beaus. As I looked back to see my boyfriend holding my girlfriend I was overcome with tears of joy. In that moment my overflowing heart knew that this communion was bigger than all of us. In the years since that first triad I have plunged into peculiar playgrounds. The same hands that held children dying of AIDS have also trained couples with a blindfold and a lash to push the boundaries of trust. Manifestations are superficial: every stop on the spiral is fair game when the motivation is cherishing basic connection. Any interaction can become a platform for learning how to play with openness, respect and love. My desire is to be intimate with the world. I do not believe in putting limits on the heart any more than I believe in having too much life in my veins. For this reason I will always be a polyamorous person capable of loving more than one person. Even as a monogamous sexual partner I want to embrace more people, places and paradigms. My practice is simple amoration: love in every moment. My challenge to you is to look within and see the unoccupied space within your own cavernous heart. Open the doors and put out the vacancy sign. The orgy is waiting for you. |
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| Free-spirit-for-hire Jennifer Evonne (formerly Jen Frisbee), currently of Los Angeles, is a member of IU-Art and a damn good glass maker. Check out her fantabulous Live Journal. |
©2003 The Manifest E-Zine